


I don't want you to see me like this

by My_Evak_Heart



Series: ELIOTT + LUCAS [56]
Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, M/M, Vulnerability
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-10-27 14:39:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20762009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/My_Evak_Heart/pseuds/My_Evak_Heart
Summary: Eliott and Lucas talk in bed on Saturday after his rendez-vous with Lucille.Aka, the deleted scene we never got





	I don't want you to see me like this

When Lucas returned from his coffee rendez-vous with Lucille, Eliott hadn't budged much from where he was when Lucas left the flatshare. He was curled up on himself, facing the window. Behind him, the covers were left in the same way that Lucas had pushed them when he got out of bed.

A smile curled on his lips, content to see that Eliott was still there and hadn't left while he was gone. After waking up three times out of four without Eliott by his side, a part of Lucas is always a bit paranoid that he'll flee without warnings - again.

Removing his jacket, he noticed that everyone was still asleep. What did he expect, it was Saturday morning. Mika went clubbing till 2am, Manon was at Emma's and Lisa...well, Lisa was a big sleeper. She would sleep all day if she could.

Taking advantage of the morning quietness, Lucas crossed the living to sit on the pull out couch, installing himself beside Eliott, back propped against some pillows, and pulled out his literature textbook, making good use of his spare time. He had a test coming next week and he'd rather not fail. Especially so close to the bac.

Mika emerged out of his room around ten to make himself a cup of coffee. His eyes were barely open as he stumbled into the kitchen, still tired from his night out. He saw the young couple from the corner of his eyes, Eliott sleeping soundly and Lucas reading, and smiled. Coming home to seeing the two sleeping on the pull out couch had been a nice surprise.

It was about noon when Lucas felt Eliott stir on the bed. He put down his textbook and caressed Eliott's back gently, encouraging him to wake up. The older one moaned in protest, not ready to wake up yet. Lucas chuckled fondly. The previous times they had shared a bed, Eliott was always up first and he never got to experience this.

Eliott blinked his eyes open, groaning at the sunlight coming from the large window of the living room. He rolled over to avoid the light and hid his face into Lucas's blue pillow for a moment, recovering from the harsh brightness.

The hand on his back ceased its movement and Eliott glanced up, catching Lucas's eyes on him and immediately looking away. ''I need to leave,'' he declared, voice hoarse and small.

''What? No.'' Lucas pulled his eyebrows, scooting closer. ''Stay,'' he added, almost begging. He hadn't seen Eliott in almost a week, Lucas wasn't ready to let him go.

He shook his head, messy hair sticking up here in and there from turning around during the night. ''I have to go. I have to go see my parents.'' Eliot paused, releasing a breath. ''I've worried them enough.''

His disappearance gave them quite a fright. Ever since his parents moved and allowed Eliott to live by himself in Paris, their daily worrying about their son had increased. They didn't doubt Eliott could take care of himself for daily life things. He knew how to cook - semi-cook -, do laundry and vacuum clean. What they were worried about was him spiraling out of control and having a manic episode while by himself. Or, his destructive thoughts winning. 

Having ran away before, Eliott had learned to leave his phone at home. It's not like it was charged anyway. The device was probably still on his nightstand with very low or no battery life. The texts and phone calls were easy to ignore, but Lucille had once found him through 'track my phone' and Eliott hadn't been happy about that.

From that day on, he made sure to leave it at home.

Last night, though, Eliott _wanted_ to be found. But, not by anyone. He wanted Lucas to find him. And he did. 

Now, as the demons inside his mind had calmed down, he felt bad for worrying his parents. He still didn't want to see them, feeling suffocated by their overprotective behavior, but they deserved to know he was safe.

''They know you're here,'' Lucas informed. ''With me.''

'_Lucille told them_,' he almost added, but figured Eliott didn't want to hear about his ex.

Not saying anything, Eliott sat up, holding the yellow comforter against his stomach, fingers clutching the soft fabric as memories from La Petite Ceinture flooded his mind. Lucas running up to him, hugging him, kissing his face and drying his tears. The long bus ride to the flatshare and Lucas holding him in the bus. Lucas helping him out of his wet clothes and getting him dry ones before making the bed for them. It all started flooding in and a lump formed in his stomach.

As much as Eliott would've liked to stay at the flatshare with Lucas, leaving was the best option. The only option. He felt good with Lucas and he didn't want it to change. His bipolarity had caused many losses in his life and he doesn't think he could handle losing what he has with Lucas. 

There was not doubts, Lucas was strong and had lots of will regarding their relationship, but would he be able to handle it? Being in a relationship with someone who is bipolar isn't a walk in the park. Most of the time Eliott wasn't even able to handle his own dark thoughts and impulsive behavior. How could Lucas?

''I...I can't stay here.''

The insistence bothered the young one. Why was Eliott so keen on leaving? Did he not feel good here, with him? Did he change his mind about them?

Lucas scooted down on the bed and sat so he could face Eliott. ''Why do you want to leave so bad?'' he demanded, searching for Eliott's eyes, the blue-gray irises dull in color. ''I'm not forcing you to stay. I just want to understand.'' 

Eliott swallowed thickly, his Adam apple bobbing. He had never felt more naked than at this moment. So little people knew about his mental illness and he had never talked openly and honestly about it to anyone before. It was a taboo subject, something he kept from everybody. 

Sensing his uncomfortableness, Lucas laced their fingers together as he stared into his empty eyes, still red from last night's tears that stained his cheeks.

''I don't want you to see me like this. All...sad and down,'' Eliott admitted, ashamed of his uncontrollable behavior. ''This is the me I hide from people, the part of myself that I hate the most. T-the part of myself I hate so much that I almost took my own life one year ago...'' Eliott's voice cracked and his bottom lip quivered, eyes filling with tears at the memories.

Heart breaking at the heavy confession, Lucas wanted to pull Eliott in his arms and squeeze him tight. Instead, he squeezed his hand and kissed it.

''I don't expect you to be happy all the time. Even I am not like that. It's humanly impossible,'' Lucas rationalized. ''I don't care if you're lively or down. I'd rather have you here and sleep all day than not having you in my life at all.''

A tiny smile curled on Eliott's lips. It wasn't a full smile, just a curl of his mouth, but it was enough. 

In order to lighten up the air, Lucas nudged him. ''You liar.'' Eliott frowned at the sudden accusation and the brunet pursued. ''I thought you couldn't sleep next to me, yet, here you are, taking naps.'' 

Eliott rolled his eyes. ''You're an idiot.''

Lucas beamed at his boyfriend. ''I'm _your_ idiot.'' 

In any other circumstance, Eliott would've cringed and shoved him away, but, as they sat in bed, bathing in the sunlight and warmth of the blankets, Eliott accepted his boyfriend's dumbness. It's not like he was any better with the cheesiness. After all, _he_ was the one who texted Lucas song lyrics and made drawings with their spirit animals.

''What should we do now?'' Eliott asked. 

He didn't feel like doing anything beside sleeping, not having much energy, but didn't want to make Lucas watch him sleep all day. 

''I think that we should say 'hi' properly,'' Lucas suggested, having not had his good morning kiss yet. ''What do you think?'' 

Despite how grumpy he could be in the morning, Lucas was such a needy baby with Eliott. Always asking for morning kisses and cuddles.

It was okay though, because Eliott was the same.

''I can do that.'' 

Lucas leaned in and they kissed, sweet and loving, Eliott's fingers releasing their grip on the blanket, feeling his anxiety leave his mind as their lips touched. 

''Good morning.''

Lucas chuckled, brushing their noses together. ''It's past noon. It's no longer morning.''

Eliott shrugged carelessly and pressed his face in Lucas's shoulder, the familiar scent of Lucas filling his nose as he nuzzled the grey fabric of his shirt. He had missed him so much. This week apart had been difficult for Eliott. He had been forced to detach himself from Lucas completely although he was craving his touch. He wanted nothing more than to be close to him, to be held by him during his deep and lonely sadness. 

The gesture made Lucas smile. 

_He will always come back to you._

_Be there for him. But, only when he wants or needs it._

Lucas wrapped his arms around Eliott and pressed sweet kisses on his cheek and jaw, responding to his boyfriend's demand of affection. 


End file.
